I think some people believe that coming out is something that we do once and then we’re done with it. Instead, we come out to people throughout our lives. Should I correct this person who calls me “ma’am”, or let it slide? When should I give my pronouns to a new colleague? Do I explain to my child’s teacher that while I’m “Mommy” to my kids, I’m not “a mom”? (Yes, that distinction makes sense to me and matters to me!) These questions can be really difficult to answer.
This past week was a big week for me. I gave a 15-minute presentation on LGBTQ+ topics in front of all of our faculty as part of our back-to-school meetings, and in the middle of it, I gave them some “real-life” experience—I came out to the entire faculty as non-binary and requested that people try to move toward “they/them” pronouns for me.
I recognized that changing pronouns, especially to “they/them” pronouns, is not easy—even I have made mistakes. Fortunately, my 6-year-old has been there to correct me!! I also gave a little grammar lesson on conjugating verbs (even with one person, it’s “they are” and not “they is”).
I was a little nervous right beforehand, but mostly just excited to share things that I think will help faculty help LGBTQ+ students. The fact that many of those things could help me, too, is a nice bonus!
In the middle of the presentation, I had a scenario that I asked people to talk about at their tables, and we had some good discussion. I also was asked a lot of good questions, and it sounds like we’re going to get some official documents changed from “he/she” to “they”. I got positive feedback from a number of people, and I was even invited to speak to a class next month. (I said yes, of course!) Someone else asked for my slides to use in one of her classes, and again I said yes. I also really appreciated many people’s kind words after my talk.
The next day, I ran an hour-long breakout session with interested people, and there was a pretty good turnout. I gave some definitions, and then we dove into more scenarios. We had such deep discussions that we only finished 1.5 of the 8 scenarios I had planned, but I’d much rather have too much prepared than not enough!
Doing all this was a little scary, but overall, I was just really excited. Someone even commented before my first talk that I looked “really happy”. I was somewhat nervous, but that apparently didn’t show because I was so happy to get to share. We’ll see how things unfold this year!