I’ve been struggling recently, but I’m reaching out to my support team. My dietitian actually suggested a higher level of care for me, and even though I’m at a higher weight than I’m comfortable with, I agree with her. The level of discomfort I feel with my body is just too much, and I’m so tired of it!
I’ll be starting IOP, Intensive Outpatient, on June 1. I’m a little nervous—after all, I’m at such a high weight, and I feel like I’ll be the oldest by far. My dietitian says the 20s and 30s are a great time to recover, though, and I’m ready to give it a shot. Because of COVID-19, everything’s online, which is why I can do IOP now (I couldn’t earlier, since I don’t feel comfortable driving 2 hours each way to get to the treatment center). It’ll be 3 hours a day 3 days a week, which is something I can only really manage in the summer and since we have childcare. Basically, everything’s lining up, and I feel like it’s the right time for this.
I’m honestly still hoping that I can manage to lose a little weight while in the program—those goals don’t seem completely contradictory to me. Maybe they should; I don’t know. But I’d like to be more comfortable with myself, and I think working on it from both angles makes sense. I’m trying to work on my weight more through exercise than by restricting, which I think will be better for me.
I also submitted a piece to the NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) about being non-binary and having an ED, and it was accepted! It’ll be published this July, and I’m really excited about it.