Several months ago, my dietitian whom I loved working with, L, decided to start her own private practice. I planned to move with her, but I was told that I could not continue to work with both my therapist and my dietitian whom I liked so much. I felt torn, as I loved working with them both, but I felt that I needed the therapy more than the dietetic advice. Reluctantly, I switched to working with A as my dietitian.
A week or so ago, I talked to my therapist about the fact that I still didn’t feel like A was a good fit for me. She doesn’t believe that there’s more than just an eating disorder going on with my body right now, and she feels uncomfortable when I talk about my body. My therapist (who works with this dietitian and others) said that I deserved someone who was a better fit, so he decided to talk to the RD team (RD = registered dietitian).
Three days ago, I had my annual physical. I talked with my doctor about my concerns with my weight, and we agreed that even though my insulin levels weren’t out of the normal range, they were on the higher end of normal. We decided I would start a low dose of Metformin, hoping that it would be the nudge that my body needs to lose some of the weight I’ve gained over the past year.
Two days ago, my dietitian dropped the bombshell that not only would she not see me anymore, but the entire RD team agreed that I didn’t need a dietitian anymore. They said I needed to deal with the “gender piece” before I could make any more progress. It felt like a case of “You can’t fire me; I quit!” It felt like abandonment, something that the center has made me feel time and time again with the RD team. It felt like they were saying that I was in a larger body and therefore didn’t need a team. It felt awful.
Fortunately, my therapist managed to make it so that the dietitian told me the news in our therapeutic session, so as soon as she logged off the call, I could discuss it with him. There were a lot of tears (before and after the dietitian logged off), but he was very helpful. He hadn’t expected this to happen, but he was willing to support me however he could.
There’s more to this story, which I’ll share at another time, but the RD piece was the one that really hurt. Even though I didn’t feel a good connection with the dietitian I was working with, I didn’t expect the entire team to dump me. This coming one day after my doctor put me on Metformin felt like adding, well, injury to injury.
The dietitian offered a goodbye session, and I said I’d think about it. I need to tell her I don’t want it, but I haven’t decided what I want to say. Well, I know some of what I want to say, but even though she treated me terribly, I’m too kind(?) to say it. I don’t express anger well; I turn it back on myself.
So here’s my chance to express it.
Thank you for working with the team to abandon me. You think I don’t need your support, and you’re right—I don’t need your support. I need the support of someone who truly cares about me, and I’m so fortunate to be able to get that support by working with L again. I contacted her immediately after you and the team dumped me, and she said we could absolutely work together again. I’m immensely grateful to have real support, by someone who sees me as a person instead of just a problem case on her load. I only wish this had happened sooner.