With this extreme weight gain that’s happened over the past year, I find myself wanting to explain myself. I want to point out that it’s most likely medication-related, and that we finally (after a year!) figured out the medication (we think) and I’m off it. It’ll take months for my body chemistry to get back to normal, if it does, and probably well over a year for my body to get back to normal, if it does. It’s so frustrating and scary!
I want to tell people that my eating habits haven’t changed, that my exercising has actually increased, that it’s not COVID-related, and so much more.
But then I think about others. People who have gained weight because of changes in their eating habits, or exercise habits, or because of COVID-related concerns. Is their weight gain any less “acceptable” than mine?
It’s hard feeling that people will judge me and will assume things, but those assumptions are on them, not me. Those assumptions aren’t even bad; they just feel bad to me because of this disorder and because of society’s fatphobia that I have internalized even while trying not to.
I’m trying to fight back against these thoughts. I’m trying to not justify, to not feel the need to explain. But it’s so very hard.