I decided I liked the name Dev a long time ago. My Hebrew name began with Dev, and Dev felt somewhat masculine, but also familiar. I didn’t think about my middle name at all until someone commented that they liked how I had combined my previous first and middle names, however. That was not intentional!
I went through several options for my middle name. I thought about another name beginning with E, like my previous middle name. I then thought it would be funny to have a middle name beginning with T, since testosterone is often known as T in the trans community. While I don’t plan to take testosterone, I still found it amusing.
That still didn’t feel quite right, however, so I continued looking. A few people suggested Adam, as the opposite of Eve, which I seriously considered. I also thought about using Joel, after my Grandpa Joel, who passed away fairly recently. However, I had already used that name as one child’s middle name. While many names run in families, I realized that my other child would feel left out if I had the same middle name as just one child.
During this time, I was also looking for a new Hebrew name. I went through several options, but while looking through names, I saw the name Chaim. It felt right. It was almost as if it had already been my name. Chaim means life, just like my previous middle name, and it starts with the same sound. Life. It fits as I start a new chapter of my life.
I then thought about using Chaim as a middle name. People would struggle to pronounce it, but how often do people pronounce your middle name? I came close, even drafting the name change paperwork with that name. At the last moment, I decided that I wanted something else.
Rather than naming myself after one person, I decided I liked the idea of naming myself after a number of friends who have helped me become the person that I am today. With a minor adjustment, I had it. Caleb.
I looked up the meaning of the name. I hadn’t realized it was a Hebrew name, meaning whole-hearted. I liked that.
And that was it. It fit.
I turned in the paperwork, and I arranged for the ad to be published. Now I wait. About six more weeks until my hearing. I’m not sure how much longer the process takes, and I’m not looking forward to all of the paperwork to change my name in so many places, but it will be more than worth it to have a name that reflects who I am.