I had my top surgery last Thursday, and I’m feeling really good about it. Even though I asked for some anti-nausea meds, I had a surprising amount of nausea. After giving me four different meds, they finally gave up and just let me vomit for several hours, so that was fun. I also had an incredible migraine. Since I couldn’t keep down any water or pain meds, they kept me overnight at the hospital.
Once I managed to feel a little better, around 3 AM, they gave me some pain meds and I slept okay after that. One of my drains has been buzzing every few seconds for the past five days, which has been incredibly annoying (imagine a cell phone in your pocket vibrating every couple of seconds around-the-clock), but I’m hoping to get drains out tomorrow when I see the surgeon again.
I’m feeling really good about the surgery. Even though I knew this was what I wanted, I was a little scared by the irreversibility of it. I think some of that was a comment from someone who said, “Well, I hope the grass really is greener on the other side.” Her comment made me feel like I wouldn’t be any happier after the surgery, but I’m happy to report that she’s wrong!
I’m struggling a bit with something the surgeon said prior to surgery. Because weight loss has been listed as causing poor outcomes from the surgery, I asked what would happen if I did lose weight. It seems like we’ve figured out the cause of my weight gain, and now that I’m off the medicine, I’m hoping my insulin levels will return to normal and eventually my weight will come down somewhat.
The surgeon said that she didn’t think there would be a big problem, but if I wanted to have the best possible results, I could postpone surgery until losing about X pounds. I told her I didn’t want to postpone the surgery, and that trying to lose weight was a terrible idea for someone who struggles with anorexia. I’m thinking it may happen on its own, but I’m trying really hard not to try to force it.
The fact that she brought up a specific number was really hard. First of all, she thinks I’m X pounds overweight. I shouldn’t be overweight at all, much less by that much! Clearly, I need to try to lose at least that much, and then some more so I’m not at the maximum acceptable weight.
On the other hand, she thinks that I can only lose X pounds. I want to lose more than that, and she thinks I can’t do it!
The fact that the number seems too large and too small simultaneously tells me that this may be an ED thought… but that doesn’t make it easy to deal with.
Overall, I’m feeling pretty good. The ED has kicked up a bit again, though, so that’s frustrating.