Things have been tough lately, and I’ve been skipping a lot of activities I enjoy, including updates on here.
After the assessments last month, we decided that it made the most sense to continue treatment here, with my amazing outpatient team. Both programs suggested intensive outpatient in-person, so I’d go to some state far away and spend 3 hours a day in programming. No thanks!
I’m continuing to see my therapist twice a week and my dietitian once a week, and my dietitian is going to try to squeeze an extra session in when she and I both have the time.
I’m feeling better about where I am. It’s not easy, and I still definitely struggle (like in the post I just posted, which I guess is kind of out of order). But I’m working and making progress.
I’m also very slowly getting back to “normal” in terms of my insulin levels. I guess I’m in the normal range now, though my ratio of something to something else is still a little high.
My dietitian now wants me to work some things back into my diet, things that we changed while my insulin levels were high due to the medication. She says that my body is processing things normally now, so I shouldn’t be afraid of them anymore. But if they were things to avoid then, aren’t they still somewhat “bad” now?
She tried to explain with an analogy about someone who had high blood pressure and needed to avoid sodium. If the blood pressure came down, they wouldn’t have to worry about sodium anymore. But again—if low sodium is better for some people, isn’t it safer to just avoid it just in case?
I feel bad for not understanding that things are different now that my insulin levels have changed. I just want to be “safe”. But that’s always the case with this disorder, I suppose. Eat less, just to be “safe”. Be smaller, just to be “safe”.
Being really safe is a balance, I guess. It’s just hard to see that from where I’m standing right now.