Wow—it’s been six years since I came out as non-binary on Facebook!
A lot has changed. I use they/them pronouns exclusively and I’m completely “out”—I feel comfortable sharing my identity with everyone, and I very much appreciate it when people correct others in terms of my pronouns or in terms of other words they might use for me.
To be clear, that doesn’t make me any more valid than someone who isn’t comfortable sharing everywhere, and it really emphasizes some of the privilege that I have. I’ve had support from almost everyone I was close to before coming out—so many of us lose close friends and family when we tell people we’re LGBTQ+.
I’m also embracing the level of masculinity that feels right for me.
For whatever reason, my voice has dropped (naturally) from low to absurdly low, and it’s been really fun to see how singing bass is different from singing tenor. It’s not just a vocal range issue; there are some patterns to how the bass line relates to others.
I’m wearing exclusively “men’s” clothing—that doesn’t mean I’m not non-binary, but it means I feel more comfortable having a more masculine appearance. Along those lines, having top surgery a couple years ago has been amazing—having a flat chest feels very right to me, and I can’t imagine how I made it through before.
I’m also now a parent of a non-binary child. I didn’t see it coming and I assumed it was, somewhat ironically, an “I want to be like Mommy” thing. Dallas has used they/them pronouns at home for about 4 years and everywhere since this summer. Maybe that will change tomorrow and maybe it won’t, but fighting for their right to be recognized has been very important. I worry people will assume I’m forcing it—but believe me, you can’t force anything on this kid!!
I advise the school’s LGBTQ+ club (which desperately needs more members, by the way) and speak in classes about LGBTQ+ issues. I gave a talk last week and was VERY impressed with the level of prior knowledge and with the respectful questions they had. I advocate for myself and others, and I have pushed incredibly hard for accessibility in our office building’s renovation—we should have gender-neutral ADA-accessible bathrooms on every floor! That sure beats now, when we have no gender-neutral bathrooms at all and no handicapped stalls other than on the first floor.
I’m very comfortable with my gender, and that feels amazing. Now I’m just trying to help the rest of the world accept and feel comfortable with my gender, too!!