Originally, I thought about writing a post where I apologize to people I’ve hurt with eating disordered behaviors. Rather than framing it that way, however, I’ve decided to instead thank people for what they’ve done for me. The support that they’ve given me, the hours of patient listening, the reassurances that they’ve given me (despite already having said basically the exact same thing a day ago)—all of these have contributed to me getting as far as I have. I write these both to get my thoughts out and to thank these people. They are roughly in chronological order from when they started supporting me, with the exception of the first one.
T: You’re an amazing support to me, a constant pillar of strength and compassion—of understanding when you can understand, and of comfort and caring even when you can’t. You’ve stayed with me when things have been hard, listened to me, and taken care of me when I needed it. You know how to listen to what I’m trying to say, even when I can’t quite say it, and you help me make the right choices. I hope someday to be more self-sufficient: to serve myself the right amount rather than relying on you and to get things for myself. Please know that I appreciate your support as I make slow and unsteady progress toward that.
Mom: You helped me through some really rough times, despite my refusal to admit to myself or others that I needed help. You took me to doctors, therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists, and you had patience with me when you needed to. I can’t imagine what it must have felt like to be in your shoes, and I so appreciate your perseverance in helping me to get help.
S: You’ve been on this journey with me for a long time. As kids, you were the only one who really knew and understood how our sister L treated us, and your comfort and support were there even when you were little. As a teen, you were compassionate and caring, looking out for me even though you were younger. That kind of consideration for others is part of what makes you so good at what you do and such a great person. These days, you continue to support me. I know I can always talk to you about anything, and you are always there for me. You’ve helped me so much on my gender journey and as I’ve struggled with this eating disorder, which has expressed itself in a variety of ways. You’re such a compassionate person. I’m so proud to call you my sister!
A: You put up with so much from me on so many levels, and you had support for me both when we were dating and afterward. I really don’t know where I’d be without your help, especially through some of those tough times in undergrad. Your patience and caring for others really show, and I feel so grateful for your close friendship then and now.
M: I love how our relationship has grown over the past six years—we’ve become such close friends, and we’ve helped each other through a lot. You’ve been so patient with me! Thank you for sharing your struggles with me and letting me help you through them as best I can. Thanks for encouraging me to share mine with you, and for helping me through mine as best you can. I can always count on you for a kind word or for support. Thank you for being part of my life!
E: Sometimes I feel like you didn’t know what you were “signing up for” by being my friend! You’ve been so amazing to me, and I can’t express how grateful I am for your friendship, support, and patience. You get that even though you’ve answered a question ten times, I might need it answered an eleventh—maybe in the same way and maybe a different way. You get that addictions like this are hard to fight, but worth fighting. You get that we have some of the same needs and some that are different, and you’re always willing to work with me and meet me where I am. I’m so grateful to have you in my life!
B: You’re the most recent person to have joined my support team, but you’ve quickly become an integral part of it. Your sense of humor helps me so much when I’m upset. I never know when you’ll be serious and wise and when you’ll be silly, but you always seem to know what I need even when I don’t. I appreciate your patience and willingness to listen, and I look forward to continued conversations about all sort of things.
D & R: You’re not yet old enough to understand the problems I struggle with, but you help me nonetheless—I know that I want to be strong for you, to set a good example, and to not pass along my problems.
There are others who have helped in a variety of ways—whether you see yourself on this list or not, and whether you knew me when this list was created or not, know that I appreciate each and every one of you.